3 Years Down, 3 Weeks to Go...

Hey, y'all!

I never used to say "y'all," but four years of school in the South has me a changed woman.  Additionally, three years of competing for Miss New Jersey has changed me in ways I can only begin to recognize. I thought, being that we have three weeks until Miss NJ check-in, I would reflect on some of the ways my time with the Miss America Organization has made me not only a better competitor, but a better human.

My very first year competing for Miss New Jersey, I had come off of a three year break from pageantry after competing in the Miss America's Outstanding Teen Organization.  I had seen a lot of success as a "Teen," and honestly, expected to find the same in "Miss."  I competed for Miss Seashore Line, and outright lost. I say this not because I'm bitter, but because that experience made me better.  I did not win a single preliminary award, place as a runner up, or win a title in the triple-crown pageant.  That first local changed my perspective and taught me that no one can expect to succeed in this Organization just because 1. they have succeeded before or 2. they have worked hard.  Everyone works hard.  Everyone puts in the time and effort it takes to be a competitor.  I left that first pageant accepting the fact that perseverance is the key to success, which would prove to help me for years to come.

After winning a local title and securing my spot in the Miss New Jersey 2013 competition, I counted down the days until my first Miss NJ week.  When it finally came, I was itching with excitement and looking forward to having the time of my life.  I woke up each morning thrilled to find out what the day would bring and was utterly shocked to make the top five on Saturday night.  I was lucky enough to hold Cara McCollum's hands as she found out she would be the next Miss New Jersey.  Today, I feel even luckier than I did that night to have shared such a special moment with such an impactful woman.

I entered my second year determined to be "Carol's girl" and secure the Miss Seashore Line title.  Not only did I secure my spot for the state competition by winning that title, I secured a new family member in Carol Taylor.  It's no secret that Carol is a New Jersey pageant legend with her honest opinions and ability to make any crowd laugh with her sarcastic humor.  She hates her picture taken, but I snuck a few during our time together and ultimately, was lucky enough to place first-runner up to Cierra Kaler-Jones at Miss NJ 2014.  This was the year that I was reminded that you can work hard and do your best, but at the end of the night, lots of girls have done the same.  Cierra captivated the judges and was an incredibly active and inspiring Miss New Jersey.  I am glad to have been able to watch her reign and to have the opportunity to learn from her generous heart.  Again, perseverance is key.

I entered my third year in hopes that I could represent my home county, Gloucester.  I won the title and with it, my pageant sister, Kelcie.  We had become friends our first year at Miss NJ as roommates, but this year together brought us even closer.  We worked tirelessly at the gym, in mock interviews, in our communities, and watched countless hours of state pageant DVDs and Miss America top five interviews.  Our directors, Tracy and Sandi, became family and we enjoyed spending every waking moment together!

We also somehow managed to unintentionally match at every single appearance for a year straight...

As this was my third year vying for the title and I was feeling the pressure of being 1st runner-up twice in a row, Kelcie developed a sixth sense for my stress.  She would look at me and say, "stop thinking so much."  It's not every day that you find a friend so in tune with your own thoughts that they actually read your mind.  I will always be thankful for Kelcie's calming demeanor and silly antics for keeping me sane.  This year I learned that stress and pressure are detrimental to not only success, but to your own happiness.  I was so worried about doing better than I had in previous years (aka the only other option would be winning...) that I was unable to enjoy my time.  Placing 2nd runner-up was a blessing in disguise- I finally felt the weight of pressure fall off my shoulders.  I had done "worse" than I had before, and I was fine- breathing, smiling, walking in 6 inch heels.  I learned my third year at Miss New Jersey that not winning wouldn't kill me.

This year, I am happy to say that I am at perfect peace with the experiences I've had and the work I've done.  I have enjoyed getting the opportunity to be "Carol's girl" again and cherish every moment I spend with my directors, pageant sisters, fellow contestants, and pageant family.  Through years of success, rejection, smiles, and tears, I have learned that while hard work and perseverance are necessary, so is happiness.  For three years I have worked hard and persevered in this organization, and for the next three weeks I will continue to do so and to focus all my energy on trusting in the process and enjoying my time.

21 days until the next Miss New Jersey week begins and I cannot wait to see what lessons I'll learn alongside my fellow contestants!

#Fourteen4TheWin

It's been a little while, but I'm back on the blogging grind and excited to update you on my pageant journey!  For the past few months I have been focusing on completing one of the biggest accomplishments of my life- graduating from a four year university.

Photo Courtesy: Molly O'Keefe

On May 7th I was blessed to have been awarded my Bachelors of Science in Psychology degree from High Point University.  As I listened to Condoleezza Rice address my classmates and I, one part of her speech resonated with me: Dr. Rice told the story of her grandfather and his journey to securing an education for himself.  She told us about her college experience and said, "education is a privilege, not a right."  Her words reminded me that I am extremely lucky to have been given the opportunities that I have and urged me to continue working hard for the things I want in life.  As Miss New Jersey preparation is in full swing, this notion is relevant in many ways.  Being involved in the Miss America Organization is such a privilege- my fellow contestants and I have worked extremely hard preparing a talent, staying physically fit, processing public speaking, and nurturing our communities.  In one month, a woman will wear the Miss New Jersey crown and begin the journey of a lifetime, but only after she proves that she earned that privilege.

I'm elated to have this opportunity for the fourth time and am eager to share some "fun stuff" now that the competition begins in less than one month!  On Tuesday, June 14th, I will check-in to Miss New Jersey week as contestant number 14 in group A! I selected my placement first of all contestants thanks to the many business owners, family, and friends who placed advertisements in the program book.  I, with the help of Mantua Township Deputy Mayor Zimmerman, collected $5,300.00 worth of ads!  That money goes directly to the Miss New Jersey Education Foundation and becomes scholarship money for award winners at this year's pageant.  Being in Group A means I will compete in Talent on Thursday, June 16th, and Lifestyle and Fitness in Swimsuit/Evening Gown and Onstage Question Friday, June 17th.  On Thursday night, I will sing on the Miss New Jersey stage for the first time.

Miss New Jersey Orientation 2016

Photo Courtesy: Richard Krauss

"The Shore Girls" at Miss New Jersey Orientation 2016  

Photo Courtesy: Richard Krauss

While I have always been a "singer," performing with my High School Vocale Ensemble and in musicals throughout my life, performing as a singer at Miss New Jersey is a foreign experience for me.  

The Wizard of Oz, Clearview High School 2012 (Maybe I should have brought back "Over the Rainbow" for my talent ;)

I am aware of the many people who question why I changed my talent or doubt whether it will pay off- I can pretend that their skepticism does not affect me, but I think it would be a disservice to me and any of the young girls who consider me a role model.  Vulnerability is uncomfortable, but it is also necessary for growth.  Yes, I am nervous to debut a "new" talent at a state competition- but I think this is why I'm so incredibly excited as well.  I chose to sing this year because I wanted to push myself and step out of my own comfort zone.  I wanted to show my Little Stars and mentees that your decisions are your own and no one else's.  I want them to know that they can do whatever they set their minds to, and no one's doubt will change the outcome.  This year, I am singing "Someone Like You" from Jekyll and Hyde for my talent on the Miss New Jersey stage and I'm actually giddy thinking about it!

Friday night, I will wear my gown from The Right Fit- shout out to you, Debbie, for always making me feel like a million bucks!

I will also wear a swimsuit from our sponsor, Irene West!  I am working hard to be at my personal best for the swimsuit competition and need to thank Training Aspects one thousand times over for their support and expertise.  I have been working with them to achieve my fitness goals for three years and could not be more thankful for our friendship.

 Thank you, Irene, for sponsoring not only the Miss New Jersey pageant for the second year, but for sponsoring the Miss America pageant this coming September!

We've been through many pageant titles, workouts, and shenanigans- wouldn't have it any other way!

Last, I am thrilled to share with you the Miss New Jersey parade theme, "Miss New Jersey in Toyland!"  Each year, Ocean City welcomes our organization for the week and starts the festivities with a "Show Me Your Shoes" parade, following the Miss America tradition.  For this year's event, I will be portraying Legos! Let's just say this theme has proven to be lots of fun and plenty of painful moments stepping on Legos strewn around my house (sorry, mom and dad).  The parade is Wednesday, June 15th and free for any boardwalk goers!

As I continue working hard to earn the Miss New Jersey title, I am reminded just how privileged I have been my entire life to have my family and friends.  While lots of graduates are busy celebrating, my friends spent last night with me gluing Legos onto a pair of heels.  While many Moms would spend their lunch break relaxing, my Mom spends her free time chatting with me about politics, walking alongside me while I do park bench burpees, and looking for the perfect interview shoes.  While most people spend their time and money on a nice summer vacation, 65 of my friends and family chose to come to Ocean City, NJ to watch me pursue my dreams.  I am utterly bewildered by how supported I am, near and far.  Thank you simply does not cover it.  For the next month, I will show my gratitude by busting my booty and working hard to make my dreams a reality!

Official Headshot, Photo Courtesy: Richard Krauss

"We Rise By Lifting Others"

       One week from today I leave for my senior year at High Point University.  As each season comes to a close, I find myself reminiscing on how my life has changed since the one before.  Yes, summer is ending (admitting it is the first step), but with summer’s end brings a new pageant season.  As we move closer and closer to completing our Miss New Jersey Class of 2016, I am reminded of how brilliant each girl truly is.  I have attended all but one local thus far, and am lucky to witness girls’ dreams coming true.  And the girls whose dreams have not yet come to fruition (I say YET because I am positive they will quite soon) are making such leaps and bounds of self-improvement and growth.  Isn’t that why we all compete in the Miss America Organization?  The person I was before I began competing is not the person I am today.  I hope that each contestant who enters the MAO comes out better for her experience. 

       The reason I am rambling on about how amazing my fellow contestants are is because it has come to my attention that they are not getting this kind of recognition elsewhere in the cybersphere.  For many years I have known about the dark Internet abyss known as “the boards.”  If you are aware of them, please, by all means, stay away!  If you have been lucky enough to remain unaware of their presence, here’s an overview: “the boards” are an online forum wherein anyone can anonymously share their opinions and have a discussion about a certain message board’s topic of interest.  There are message boards devoted to pageantry where people talk about contestants, pageants, and anything having to do with the “pageant world.”

       If this is the first you are hearing of the pageant message boards, you may think “what a lovely idea, we can all support the girls and give each other updates!”  At least, that’s what I first thought.  I assume that this was the original intention- to share news such as where a pageant is being held and who is competing or to mention how awesome girls are doing.  Maybe I’m being naive.  Whatever the original intention of the boards, they have become a place for petty gossip and downright hate.  When I was crowned Miss New Jersey’s Outstanding Teen, I heard mention of the boards and as a curious 15 year-old, decided to check them out.  What I read were comments that attacked my physical appearance and questioned why I won the pageant.  I couldn’t wrap my head around the idea that people would say such nasty things about a girl 15 years old, and I don’t think I will ever truly understand the mindset of people who anonymously spread hate through the internet. 

This picture is from the night I was crowned Miss NJOT in 2009- I was ridiculed online for my bangs amongst other things. After reading those comments, I stopped wearing my bangs down and would always wonder what people thought of how I looked.

These pictures are from the night I was crowned Miss Seashore Line last month.  It took me quite some time to realize that I didn't care what anyone said on the Internet or elsewhere- I wear my hair the way I want and feel comfortable in my own skin- just like EVERY girl, pageant contestant or not, should (bye, haters).

       No matter how beautiful, good-hearted, intelligent, and funny my pageant friends are, I am sure they have experienced similar occurrences.  Someone I have known since we were little girls tap dancing to “Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy” also happens to be my fellow contestant.  She has shown such resilience and determination competing for local pageants.  Danielle Barger is a phenomenal tap dancer with a heart of gold.  She works hard to do what she loves and deserves every single “Miss Congeniality” title she wins (which is a lot!).  How can someone so loved by her fellow contestants be shown such hate from an anonymous Internet contributor? 

       A role model of mine, who I’m grateful to now call a dear friend, has been very open about her battle with body image and internet hate, otherwise known as cyber-bullying.  Anna Negron is a woman filled with more passion and love than I thought any person could carry.  The way she makes everyone in the room feel important is really quite beautiful.  So why does a person with such deep inner beauty have to face hateful comments about her outer appearance?  If Anna is changing the world with her charisma, philanthropy, and her unbelievable talent, who could find it in their heart to criticize her? 

       I’m not sure that there are viable answers to all of these questions.  I am sure, however, that bringing someone else down will not make you feel better about yourself.  Saying horrible things about another contestant will not make whichever contestant you prefer any more or less awesome (because I’m sure she’s awesome, too). 

       As we face a new pageant season, let us all remember to think before we speak, and just as importantly, think before we TYPE.  If your comment demeans anyone, it should not be made public.  This includes a comment meant to defend someone else- if your comment meant to make someone feel good reads, “You’re an amazing competitor and a genuine person- not like all the other fake girls” there is still a problem.  Next time, try “You’re an amazing competitor and a genuine person- and that’s all that matters!”  Let us remember that the Miss America Organization exists to empower women and to give women endless opportunity.  Let’s lift one another up without bringing anyone else down in the process and show that while “the boards” exist, they do not impact the love contestants have for each other and the good things they do for their communities. 

       I hope that as I continue competing in this organization, we can rise above the stereotype that pageants girls are bullies and that “the boards” will seize to criticize anyone who is mentioned.  Cyber-bullying is a problem that exists at all ages and affects people more profoundly than most realize.  I vow to try to make “A World of Difference” with my platform and to educate children about the dangers of the cybersphere.  Only when we realize just how insignificant others’ hateful comments are can we truly see how worthy we are of a life filled with courage and integrity.

Keep Calm, it's a New (pageant) Year

Somehow, life in pageant land never slows down!  It has been just over a month since Miss New Jersey 2015 was crowned, and I’m excited to say that I have already qualified for the next Miss New Jersey pageant by winning the title of Miss Seashore Line!  

Photo courtesy of Richard Krauss, official Miss New Jersey photographer!

I’m counting down the days until pageant week 2016 and feel beyond blessed to share this year with the shore family, including my pageant sisters Kelcie and Madison and my perfect teen sister, Jaime!

 Already matching wherever we go!

 The adventures of Kelcie and Brenna continue...

Can you tell Jaime and I were a little excited?

With a new year, comes a new perspective and another chance to break out of my comfort zone.  Every moment in the Miss America Organization has lead me to be the woman I am today and has taught me the importance of service, friendship, and growth.  Through my work with my platform, Keep Calm and Volunteer On, I’ve been able to meet over 1,000 children and teach them how to find their passion and share it.  Upon getting to know my “Kindness Kids,” I’ve discovered a new passion of mine- something I think needs the utmost attention.  While running a Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram all dedicated to volunteerism, I’ve connected with children and adults alike through social media to network and share volunteer opportunities.  Unfortunately, I’ve also realized just how detrimental the use of social media can be for those who do not use it with caution and integrity.  While visiting schools to talk about volunteerism, I was constantly approached by teachers who needed help stressing to their students the importance of internet responsibility.  Kids who are new to the cybersphere need a lesson about safety, upstanding against cyber-bullying, and using social media to do good.  I have seen firsthand the ways children of this generation are misusing the Internet, and have been inspired to do something about it.  I’m thrilled to be starting a movement that will ultimately improve young people’s Internet experience and create a social media world free of danger and negativity.  With my new title of Miss Seashore Line, I’m ready to take steps with my newly revamped platform, now entitled, “A World of Difference: navigating the cybersphere.”  I will focus on using social media to our advantage and educating children and parents alike on how to properly monitor your social media presence.  My Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram accounts will remain up and running- they may have a different name, but they will continue to share positive messages and volunteer opportunities as a way to better my followers’ Internet experience.  I cannot thank you all enough for staying with me on this journey.  Keep Calm and Volunteer On will continue to be a mantra for me, and I hope for many whom I've been able to impact.  Buckle your seat belts and prepare for blast off- "A World of Difference: navigating the cybersphere" is sure to take us on a new journey to better the coming generations!

Design courtesy of Peggy Nicolle!

Another Year in the Books (post pageant thoughts & new beginnings)

       Another year of competing for Miss New Jersey is in the books.  Of the three years I’ve been competing, each seems to go by faster than the others.  After being crowned Miss Gloucester County in August, I was able to reach out to my community in a way I had never done before.  The endless hours in the gym, numerous school visits with Kindness Kids, countless talent rehearsals, and many, many laughs with my pageant family are forever engrained in my memory.  Being Miss Gloucester County has enabled me to represent a county that shaped me to be who I am.  Spending my year with Tracy, Kelcie, and Sandi has shown me what it truly means to be part of a journey and to never take the experience for granted.  This year, I knew that while I couldn’t wait to leave for Ocean City to pursue the title once again, I was not ready for that week to be over.  I was ready to pour my heart out to the judges and to show New Jersey everything I have done to prepare myself to be their representative.  I was not, however, ready to find out if my hard work would pay off.  

       For almost a year, we local titleholders put everything we have into this organization.  We sacrifice down time with family and friends to try and be world-changers.  Instead of going out for ice cream with my friends, I opt for a gym session with my pageant sister or fulfill a commitment as Miss Gloucester County.  Each local titleholder chooses how she wants her year to pan out- how much effort she will exert in the hopes of becoming Miss New Jersey and how she wants to represent her title.  While the local titleholders get to choose how we will play the part of “Miss Local,” it is a panel of judges who chooses which girl will walk away as “Miss State.” So while I knew I had done everything I could to best represent Gloucester County and prepare myself for pageant week, I could not predict if I would walk away as Miss New Jersey.  It seemed to me that because I could not control if the judges would choose me, I could not control my own happiness.  This, my friends, is where I went wrong.  Your happiness does not rely on someone else’s ability to see your worth.  Repeat it with me.  YOUR HAPPINESS DOES NOT RELY ON SOMEONE ELSE’S ABILITY TO SEE YOUR WORTH.

            No one can expect to win Miss New Jersey.  There are simply too many amazing, deserving girls.  Did I expect to win Miss New Jersey?  Absolutely not.  Do I know I have the ability to be Miss New Jersey? Yes. If I never become a state titleholder, I will rest easy in knowing that through this crazy pageant experience, I made myself the best person I could be.  It is my hope that someday, I will meet a panel of judges that sees a potential in me and makes me their Miss New Jersey.  If that never happens, it is my hope that my peers, my little stars, my family, and everyone I come into contact with can see that passion without a crown on my head.  I will continue to uphold the ideals of this organization for the rest of my life.  Until I age out in two years (is it really that soon?) and am told it’s time to hand over the rhinestones, I will keep coming back for more. 

            With this being said, to continue on this #RoadToMissNJ, I must bid farewell to my current journey.  As a Miss New Jersey ruling, all local titleholders must resign their current title before attending orientation for another local pageant.  Being that I am attending orientation for Miss Seashore Line, Miss Coastal Shores, and Miss Cape Shores tomorrow, today is my last day as Miss Gloucester County 2015.  It has never been harder for me to say goodbye to a local title.  There are not enough words to say how grateful I am for Tracy and Sandi and for my best friend and pageant sister, Kelcie.  We’ve laughed we(you)’ve cried, but most importantly, we’ve shared this experience.  In each FaceTime meeting, mock interview, road trip, alterations appointment, and gym session, we have been in this together.  

 Sisters who workout on hotel room floors together stay together?

 Yes, we're being judged for our ridiculousness at visitation.  So worth the laughs.

One of my favorite moments of pageant week- Kelcie and I both had the privilege of being in the top five.  Nothing is as special as working toward a goal WITH a best friend.

       I cannot properly express what a joy it has been to be part of such an amazing organization and how much I’ve loved being Miss Gloucester County.  Every door must come to a close for another door to open.  Here’s to a new adventure.

            Thank you, all who are reading this, for sticking with me in all of my endeavors and caring enough to keep updated as I pursue my own dreams.  I’ll try to keep you on the edge of your seat…though not as suspenseful as being called last into the top ten (we can laugh about it now, right?) or the rumors that I’m competing for Miss North Carolina.  Did anyone really think this Jersey girl would give up that easily? ;) 

            All my love and gratitude,

            Brenna